2017 Mayoral Candidates

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As you may know, the Seattle mayoral campaign is pretty much a repeat of Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump, except there are nineteen extra candidates. More exciting than the campaign is our outgoing pedophile mayor, Ed Murray, Seattle’s second homosexual mayor after Norm Rice and the most disgraced mayor since Paul Schell, who some people think was a Jew. Of course, there’s no proof that Murray is really a pedophile, Rice is gay or Schell was a Jew.

But Murray has certainly done a great job of screwing kids (like all Seattle politicians), and I personally believe the Norm Rice conspiracy theories, which neither begin nor end with his sexual persuasion (which really doesn’t matter unless you want to date the bastard). Of course, Paul Schell was a corrupt real estate developer and an amazing asshole, with a few other traits that marked him as a member of the bastard race.

Anyway, I was tempted to run for Mayor myself, but I declined. I love a good fight, but it’s almost impossible to generate a fight in civil Seattle, a city of brain-dead sissies whose best idea of excitement is a bottle of Ex Lax.

So I didn’t bother running, and honestly haven’t been following the “election” that closely. However, I just had to comment on the race after the Seattle Times dropped a bomb shell. Media whore Danny Westneat claims this is the best field of mayoral candidates in more than half a century (Election shocker: This is the best field of Seattle mayoral candidates in decades, July 14, 2017).

So what’s Westbeat’s litmus test?

The King County Municipal League, which has been rating candidates for more than a century, gave no less than three candidates an A.

As you may know, the Muni League is a sack of shit. To paraphrase Hunter S. Thompson, they’re a bunch of shallow faggots working for the Seattle Chamber of Commerce.

I checked the mayoral candidates Voters Pamphlet statements—all twenty-one of them—and I can say with all confidence that this race is a replay of Billary vs The Donald (with 19 extra bimbos to choose from).

Guess how many candidates mentioned Bill Gates or Microsoft?

Not one. Seattle’s Blue Screen of Death will dodge accountability until he dies of an accumulation of Windows viruses.

How many candidates mentioned genetically modified food?


Amazingly, a whopping two candidates mentioned climate change. One of them is Jenny Durkan, who was appointed by President Obama as “the first openly gay U.S. Attorney in our country’s history.” She’s also endorsed by former Governor Gary Locke and former King County Executive Ron Sims, two of the biggest assholes ever spawned by Seattle.

Nothing against gays, but Seattle’s political system has little use for them unless they’re pedophiles. (Remenber Bill Gates’ favorite teacher, Gary Little?)

Fortunately, there’s good news: The word “homeless” appears in the candidates’ statements no less than TWENTY-FOUR times. That means three candidates used the H-word twice, or something like that.

It’s truly heartwarming to think that every candidate could can the rhetoric long enough to mention the homeless, even if no one mentioned the root causes of homelessness.

Are there any good candidates at all?

Well, Greg Hamilton served over two decades as a Green Beret. Former Mayor Mike McGinn is still peddling himself as a greenie. I’m not sure if he’s still trying to palm himself off as a Gates Foundation watchdog, but he didn’t mention BILL GATES in his statement.

Larry Oberto serves on the board of directors of the Oberto Sausage Company, which apparently didn’t proofread his Voters Pamphlet statement: "Seattle has never had as much cash as today and, it will not always be this rich." Try this, Larry: "Seattle has never had more cash, but it won’t always be this rich."

The unsinkable Mary "Call me a socialist!" Martin is improving her game. During her rant about Cuba, Puerto Rico, South Africa, Angola and Idaho she managed to mention Seattle and/or Washington State at least once. As near as I can recall, that’s an improvement over her gubernatorial campaign. I never had a clue anyone in Seattle was flying a Confederate flag until I read that Keith Whiteman wants to ban the Confederate flag from being flown in Seattle.

The Zionist newsrag The Stranger endorsed Cary Moon, while the Jews over at the Seattle Weekly crowned Nikkita Oliver their favorite. Nothing cooler than Jews rallying behind phony black activists.

There you have it, twenty-one assholes to give Democracy Vouchers to.

I haven’t bothered checking out their campaign websites. Which reminds me—this site and www.jewarchy.com both are on the verge of setting new records…a year after I was pushed out of the gubernatorial campaign.

Frankly, I think that’s pretty cool. I’m not getting tons of traffic, but how many candidates even bother keeping their crappy campaign sites live after the election?

In other news, I’m still working on various political projects. I’m focusing primarily on non-political stuff at the moment. Yet even my book Geobop’s State Symbols is going to be surprisingly political. It should be finished about the end of October. Next year, I’ll try to publish some political books that I’ve been working on for some time, including books about Bill Gates, the Seattle Mafia and Jews.

I’ve just about given up hope of ever making a difference in a city as lost as Seattle. But I have a few surprises in store, so stay tuned.